I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves.

it just got laid on my heart to write on our blog today. :) but i honestly have no idea what i'm going to write about...

okay! so, last week i was driving down cantrell and messing with the radio. and this song was on k-love:

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die...

and oh my goodness, with everything going on in my heart right now, i just started crying! i realized that the things i've been wanting and chasing after will only lead to hurt, and i was made for so much more than all of this. 

i wouldn't call it a lightbulb moment or anything like that... it was more like, the first rung of a ladder that leads out of a deep hole. 

i find it slightly annoying yet extremely beautiful that God uses our mistakes & problems & struggles to make his truth & promise & love even more glorious. sometimes he has to bring us really low to remind us that he is there and has it under control. 

i don't have much else to say. i still don't really know what the point of this blog post is... but i guess i just want to say that everything happens for a reason. God is going to use your heartache and your struggle to weave a beautiful story whether or not it feels beautiful right now. and sometimes, it gets worse before it gets better, like when i'm doing a deep-clean of my room it always gets even messier before it can be totally clean.

i am struggling. you are struggling. but God is working through that, and i am still beautiful and you are still beautiful.

-r a c h e l

Three Weeks and 1,866 Miles Later

My journey started June the 18th and 4:00 a.m.  Less than two hours later me and eighty other Geyer Springs youth were headed to Orange Beach, AL for Student Life's The Kingdom beach camp.  I learned while I was there that I absolutely love the beach.  Besides that I got to hear Matt Chandler speak on the Kingdom of God all week.  He really challenged us to know who the King is, about His kingdom, and how the Kingdom's people should exist together.  I got to meet a lot of amazing girls that are younger than me that week (I was the only tenth grade girl) but nothing monumental seemed to happened.  I did get to see my secret prayer partner accept Christ and get some big sins off her chest, though I don't know what they were.  It was refreshing to see someone freed from their past.  Like Chandler told us, "The old Matt Chandler is dead!".

From there I was dropped off near grandparents house in Mississippi.  The next day I jumped straight into a three year old VBS class for the next four nights.  Those three year olds taught us as much as I hope we taught them.  Although it was exhausting my time in Mississippi was refreshing as always.   While I was there my aunt returned from Nicaragua a little beaten physically (got two black eyes and bruised nose from playing basketball and had her backpack with her money, phone, passport and Bible stolen), spiritually, and emotionally but with amazing reports!  They saw over 200 salvations in just a week!  Suddenly God I was able to begin seeing how God was moving around me again.  The numbness I had felt and struggled with was leaving.  What a shame it took seeing the big things God does all the time to get my attention!  But that week prepared me for the following.

The 28th we drove back to Arkansas where I had a little more than a twelve hour turn around before getting on a bus headed to St. Louis, MO.

When we arrived on Saturday we dropped our things off in the school/church (Tower Grove) we were staying in for the week.  April, the leader from the church we worked with all week, showed up with two interns and took us to downtown South City St. Louis (the area we did all our work in).  We prayer walked several blocks.  In that hour I learned some of the city's background, its racial makeup, saw a huge gay block party, and later learned about someone who was saved after talking with Caddy, my youth pastor.  Gays have become rampant in St. Louis in the past ten years.  We saw lots of rainbow signs in store fronts and huge flags hung on homes.  St. Louis is also a city that gets lots of refugees.  We worked with people from Napal, Burma, Conga, and then a few other countries in Africa.  Because of this the church, New City Fellowship, was very diverse.  On Sunday morning during service we sung in Swahili, French, Burmese, and I think Spanish.  I can't remember for sure.  But seeing people sing in their native languages and the languages of other people was a reminder of how awesome our God is.  He understood every word even though I didn't know half of what I was singing!  Everyone worshipped in their own way.  Some singing, clapping, dancing, playing the drums, raising their hands or just listening to all the languages.  That evening we divided into our four teams and went to different parks to do "Bible clubs" (basically shorter VBS).

Monday morning started our normal routine.  Most of us stayed at New City Fellowship after breakfast to help with the tutoring program.  (We did have a team gone all day to do a sports camp somewhere)  I was assigned two Burmese boys who just finished fourth grade.  Their names are Mung Pi and Ozar Kay.  Both are super smart and very talented artists.  I mainly helped with their grammar when they wrote since English is a second language.  That afternoon   more of us split up into groups while some stayed behind until the end of the tutoring program.  We had girls go to homes and help with ESL.  We also had people go to a nursing home and others, like me, help with work projects.  Monday's work project was helping at a community garden where refugees can rent a plot of land to grow fresh produce.  Right before we got to the garden we went under a bridge.  It was as if we entered a different world.  We passed from the ghetto to a rich neighborhood within seconds.  The economic divide is that visible all the way through St. Louis down that particular road.

The next day was cool like the day before but rainy.  Sports camp was cancelled along with outside work projects and Bible clubs.  So after tutoring we stayed at the church and took apart room dividers and tables in the basement then stored them on the second floor.  This involved the old complicated elevator that Ben and I ended up being stuck on for almost five minutes before someone realized the button needed to be pushed up on the second floor.

Wednesday was our last day of tutoring because the Fourth was the next day.  We said goodbye to our kids and got to take pictures with them.  When we found out that our work project was pulling weeds along a fence for an invalid, I thought, "Oh, this will be fast and easy".  Once we got there and saw some of the weeds were taller than all of us and as thick around as a small tree, plus the fact that the only tools we had were an old pair of metal scissors, two rakes, and my two pockets knives I thought otherwise.  I ended up cutting down the 'trees' with my knife.  Ben and I also took out a rotted, termite infested tree stump.  As a reward for our hard, hot work Mrs. Cindy stopped at Starbucks for us.

On the Fourth of July we had a community/church wide block party.  We had between 300-400 people there.  I was supposed to be a 'trash girl', but somehow ended up painting complicated designs on people's bodies.  I drew everything.  St. Louis Cardinals, a bald eagle, 'Don't tread on me' cartoon, and on and on.  Later that day we ate Vietnamese food and went to the Arch to see Trace Adkins and the fireworks show.

Anyway, all the fun stuff wasn't the point.  I feel like everyone got to use one of their talents for the Kingdom last week.  We also got tested in our faith.  Some of the teaching of the church were not clearly represented.  Caddy confronted the leaders about this.  I learned that Satan is very sneaky.  We all assumed we were in a place of sound teaching.  But Satan was able to plant a 1% lie in some articles we read the last day as a devotional and confuse some of us.  The three articles, written by the same man, showed different views on salvation than ours.  He also made it seem as if the rich (us) couldn't get into Heaven.  Many of us had to explain how we were offended by some assumptions that April made about our church and how we were using our resources.  She assumed that because of our church's location that we were only serving the 'white flight' in Bryant and not ministering to the lower income minorities.  In the end we all came out stronger in our faith.  We had to refer to the Bible for teaching, not just what our leaders say.

I have been thinking of all of you!  I hope your travels and summers are safe and fun!  I can't wait to see all of you again.  (Ill see some of you at CSU!  Sooo excited about this year.  But we will miss Katie.  ;) )

Love,
Rachel Barber

P.S. Sorry this is SOOOO long but 1,866 is a long journey.  ;)

Crazy Good God

Hey ladies! I miss you all so much and it's barely July! God has done marvelous things in my life through Worldview Academy and United, so here I am to tell ya. :) Starting from the beginning...

Not going to lie, the entire 4-hour-or-so drive up to Springfield, Missouri, I was pretty nervous. I realized that I actually didn't know anyone at the camp and I had no clue what the week had in store. Looking back, I can agree without a doubt that it was one of the best weeks of my life! It was so encouraging to be at a camp with fellow Christ followers, talking about our Savior and worldview as Christians! We talked about leadership, defending our faith, and even some other religions (when we covered Mormonism, I thought of you, Carley!). There was even a little bit of evangelism training I didn't know about beforehand, so that was a pleasant surprise!

Worldview Academy was truly a blessing, but what I learned there didn't end when the camp did. The timing was pretty much perfect- it was two weeks before United. All of the apologetics classes? I felt so much more confident when we went to Panama City Beach! Evangelism? It was so good to go out and evangelize and get back in the swing of things before United. God was so good to me. The week in between the two trips, I was so pumped and ready to set foot on the sand and just go!

And (as the pattern seems to be) God was nowhere near done working.

For United, I had been placed in the largest girls cabin, along with Emily McIndoe, 23 other girls, and Jenn Hartman and Ashley Briggs. I knew less than half of the girls, but sleeping in the big bunk room changed that soon. There was one girl, Kelsey, who's a year older than me (and was another huge blessing that week!). Even before I had finished unpacking and losing things all over the cabin in Florida, He had already shown Em a chance to witness to someone in our group!

I could go into detail and tell stories about our first day on the beaches- exactly a year since the last time I'd been beach witnessing. Or the next day. Even the worship (which was stellar!). But honestly, the best part about the entire trip to Florida was that even though we got rained out the last two days and didn't exactly accomplish what we thought we set out to do, God shattered our expectations and moved in ways we'd never fathomed! I'd thought my purpose on the trip was to meet people on the beaches and lead them closer to Christ. But if that had been my sole reason to go, I would have been disappointed. Jesus wanted to reach those on the beach... and those that weren't.

The last two days got rained out to the point where nobody was on the beaches. I was praying and fasting on July 3rd, the day the rains came. Our huge prayer that day was that God would take the rain away, or do something that could only happen with the rain. The rain continued to pound the roof, hour after hour, and it seemed like nothing was happening. Late into the evening, it was still pouring. Everyone was in the cabin, and nobody wanted to leave, so basically we were stuck inside. I tried to clean up some of my things and get ready for bed and instead got 'sidetracked' helping a girl in our room, Lila, convince another girl, Grace, to sing. The three of us were the only ones in the room, and nothing was out of the ordinary.

That's when Lila's best friend, Claire, walked in. She told us that she had something to tell us all. We grouped up in the floor and Claire shared her story. She would pause when others came in to get something because it was a long, personal story. At one point, Elle Maddox walked in, but Claire just continued, including Elle in our little group. Claire's story spurred Grace to tell hers. When the rest of the girls came to get ready for bed, they walked in to see five girls sitting in a big group hug on the floor.

We moved outside so we could keep talking, and we all ended up talking for an hour or so with Jenn. Claire told us later that she had been waiting for the right time to share her story with Grace and I. Lila already knew her story, Claire knew Grace had been in a similar place, and said she trusted me from the moment we first spoke. She had been in the living room with all the others when she felt the Holy Spirit telling her to go to the bunk room. Lo and behold, who else should be in the bunk room but Grace, Lila and I! That night, because of the rain, God literally moved Claire to share with us. It was something I couldn't explain.

God didn't even stop THERE. The other girls knew something incredible was going on, and when our group walked back inside, we found almost everyone gathered on the top bunks, listening to other girls share their stories. They had no idea what we had been doing, and yet here they were, sharing just like we had.

Now I'm home, and trying to make some sense of it all. It was so wonderfully unexplainable. Best yet, I talked to Jenn, and I may join their small group as an assistant leader on Sunday mornings! Lila and Claire are joining, and Grace is already a part of Jenn's small group. I have a chance to continue to disciple these precious girls, and I'm loving it. :)

All I can say is that God is so, SO good! There are no other words I've found.

I love you guys and I can't wait to see you all again!!
Much love, Katie

Volunteering!

Hey everyone!
It looks like we'll be volunteering at The Sparrow's Nest on February 18th! We can all meet up at 9:00 that morning and help paint furniture until 2 or 3 that afternoon. Please bring a sack lunch and water along if you want to have something to eat :) Also wear paint clothes! Afterwards we're going to Purple Cow for shakes (my treat) to celebrate my birthday! If you guys could give me a head count of who can come by Thursday, that would be great so that I can let Jojo (one of the volunteers) know. Thanks girls!
Love, Bethany

Basketball 2.0

Ok, Rachel told me that the game is at Bryant High School in building number 1 and starts at 5pm. Would it work for everyone to meet at the Starbucks down in Bryant (by the Target and Kohls) around 4pm? Let me know whatever works for y'all :)

Basketball Game

Hey ladies! Is anyone interested in meeting at a Starbucks before we go to Rachel B's basketball game and getting some coffee? Just an idea; let me know what you think!

Love, Bethany (or Beth, or B-swizzle, or whatever else you want to call me)

Undescribed Prayers.

So, where do I begin? Really, with New Year gone and so much going on, my life is full! And thus, these requests...

I guess a good place to start would be tonight... which just happens to tie into India and such. First off, I felt really bad about my reaction when I heard somebody was going. I didn't mean that in a bad way at all, it just shocked me because that was a side I hadn't seen coming. So in that way, it's a really good thing she's going, because I really ought to get to know her better.

But on to the significant, leave-me-speechless stuff.

I think God has a sense of humor. With everyone. Me? I think He just loves to take me by surprise. Cause it happens a lot. OGN? Last summer, that was definitely not on the top of my list. And look what He did!

You'd think I would learn from that. But I didn't. On the two hour place ride back, I was already making plans. I desperately wanted to return to OGN. Since FSM has gone every year that I can remember, that wasn't an issue. Until months later, when I was talking to Lane and Mr. Denny. Come to find out that night, FSM wasn't taking a group to San Diego this year. No, instead, God twisted it a little. Right when I thought my dreams were 'crushed', Mr. Denny mentions that if you'd ever gone on OGN, you can help with United this year. I was told I had the chance to be a student leader in the beach witnessing track. Well, obviously, I made plans. That's on my list.

Then came Guatemala. I knew I would be doubling up on Spanish anyway, and I knew a lot of people who went last year. It sounded like a good deal, especially since my dad wants me to go on a mission trip to a Spanish speaking country at some point. I made plans.

Honestly, when India finally came up in conversation, my first thought was "Oh, that's cool. But I don't need to worry about that. I mean, there's no way. There's so much I could do. Not happening."

Can't you just hear God smothering a heaven-splitting laugh? It's almost like I'm on one of those shows where the audience knows something the characters don't. No joke.

That's when things started to get strange. At first, it wasn't anything huge. I knew one person planning on going... then two... then three. All three were from the OGN team. Not so weird. No big deal. Oh, the timing already works cause Mom and Dad will be home anyway? Cool.

So God decided to get my attention. I had been talking to someone about all three trips that morning, then India showed up in a class conversation. Huh. Okay. It brought back memories of the tsunami that hit India really hard when I was in first or second grade. With it came memories of all my grade school friends- all but one were Indian. The next day, someone was talking about it. At home, I was "youtubing" something with Mom, and it led to videos about that same tsunami that I remembered. I spent a couple hours that night watching it and thinking. The next Sunday, I happened to have free time and got talking with Joy, who felt called to India for life. She felt called in tenth grade, and she noticed because it started popping up everywhere. Even in her World History book.

Now it's even more extreme. One of my Indian friends just got a number where I can text her instead of calling. I started World History yesterday and today? We talked about India.

I had to think about this. It begged attention. I noticed that all the things that made me feel 'called' to Guatemala were either people planning on going, past trip stories, or something I had done to make it easier to go. All the Indian 'coincidences' were out of my hands. I had nothing to do with them.

Tonight, when you, Mrs. Jeanne, told us to pick a verse, my mind immediately went to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10~
 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Shannon Pere and Joy Williams had recently told me that if it's going to be my first third world, overseas trip, I might not be prepared. Most 'newbies' aren't prepared.

My whole life has been built around whether or not I think I can do something. I'm a perfectionist, so if I don't think I'm going to be good at it, I don't do it. I excel in what I do,  but only because I don't try much else. Christ's power is made perfect in weakness. In Guatemala, I would still be in my comfort zone. I'd know Spanish, and I feel like I would be relying more on what I know instead of trusting God to come through. I live like that. In India, where I have a few connections but I'm scared I'll fail, I am weak. I'm not comfortable. Whatever happens, it's not my doing- it's obviously His. Everyone will know that "I can't do this, I've never known how." So if anything happens, there's no doubt God is involved, and I can't take the credit. I can boast in my weaknesses, so His power can work, so when I tell the stories, everyone can see that when I am weak, He makes me strong.

Prayer is always accepted. By the way. :)